Growing Through Conflict
If you are a member of a family, you will face conflict!
Conflict can range from small disagreements to differences of opinion about certain topics to serious struggles over big issues. Each conflict that arises gives us an opportunity to learn, grow and change. Sometimes we need to use tough love, sometimes we need to simply offer forgiveness. Sometimes we need to manage the conflict with discipline and sometimes we need to step back, reevaluate and wait for wisdom and insight to help us know how to deal with the conflict. Dealing with controversy and struggles by getting angry or using avoidance techniques are other options but do not tend to provide resolution and these choices usually cause anxiety, pain and more confusion.
Patience is one thing we need in abundance during conflict resolution. Last week, I was listening to a teaching on patience. I do not usually like pat answers or formulas, but something the speaker said about developing patience during conflict really resonated with me…..
“CONFLICT plus COMMITMENT leads to CHANGE”!!!!!
I have been thinking about this quote all week as I have observed various scenarios in my own family. And it actually seems to work…..
A parent needs to be patient when their child disobeys or willfully chooses to not follow directions. A parent who is committed to unconditionally loving their child and helping develop a strong moral character in their child will make choices to use conflict as a teachable moment to help their child grow and change.
A spouse who is devoted to his or her mate is more likely to demonstrate patience when disagreements or disappointments arise. A true commitment to respect and love one another in the midst of conflict combined with patience will help resolve the problem and will hopefully lead to change.
A sibling rivalry or a problem that occurs between brothers and sisters can divide a family and cause great pain to everyone involved. But bottom line, a commitment to family and sticking together through good times and hard times can and will lead to change.
My family has experienced a unique kind of conflict in the past few weeks. My father and my favorite uncle passed away during this past month and it has been a time of grief and sorrow. You do not necessarily think of death as conflict per se, but death can create a conflict within. Sadness, suffering and loss are hard emotions to deal with. You never quite feel prepared for the loss of a loved one. Some people deal with regret, others feel overwhelming sorrow. Some use avoidance of the conflict within. What I have experienced these past few weeks is an overwhelming appreciation for the love and commitment that my family has for each other. We are not a perfect family but we have a strong foundation of love and commitment and we have pulled together during this time. Relationships are being rekindled and strengthened. Words of encouragement and acts of kindness are being shared and demonstrated in tangible ways. We are experiencing CHANGE!
We have taken this difficult life experience that could have created lots of CONFLICT and we have shown COMMITMENT to one another and we are being blessed with healthy CHANGE!!!
Take this week of preparing for Valentine’s Day and reflect on how a big dose of patience and a deeper commitment to your relationships could help in times of conflict. You might be surprised at how your perspective and attitudes might change!
Can you think of a person you are having a conflict with where strengthening your commitment might bring about hope, joy and healthy change?
