Posts Tagged ‘connecting’
Communicating in Relationships Using Love Languages
Do you ever feel like certain ways of communication that resonate with you do not for someone else? Maybe that is because how your love tank is filled is not the same as another. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The 5 Love Languages” that explains his conclusion that there are “five emotional love languages – five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.”
He states in his book, “Inside every child is an ’emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank’…The emotional need for love, however, is not simply a childhood phenomenon. That need follows us into adulthood and into marriage.”
Learning about my love languages and the love languages of others has significantly benefitted my relationships, especially my marriage. When you really take the time to learn about someone and learn how to communicate with them, you will connect with them in ways you never thought possible. But, first, let’s learn about the different love languages…
Words of Affirmation
- Using words to build up
- Express verbal appreciation
- Encouraging words – “Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from (another’s) perspective”
- Tone of voice makes a difference – messages are often more interpreted by tone of voice, not the words we use
- Ideas: write someone a nice note, go out of your way to give someone encouragement, give compliments, tell someone how you appreciate their strengths
Quality Time
- The need for undivided attention
- Avoid distractions – maintain eye contact
- Quality conversations – “sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires”
- Genuine desire to understand thoughts, feelings,
Connecting at the Dinner Table – Active Listening
Do you ever feel like there are so many distractions around you that you are always half listening to those you are having conversations with? Technology, noise, fulfilling others needs…how do you connect when there always seems to be something pulling you in a different direction than where you can be fully present?
Malinda Carlson from the blog A Fine Parent says, “Active listening paves the way for us to have a better relationship with our kids. To feel listened to is to feel respected, valued, and loved. When our kids feel like we really listen to them, it builds their confidence and self-esteem. It reduces arguments. It makes them feel intelligent and capable. It builds emotional intelligence….Active listening is a way of fully hearing what the other person is saying. Not just assuming we know what they’re going to say after hearing the first two words and then spending the rest of the time they are talking preparing a perfect response. Instead, active listening focuses on dropping assumptions and working to understand the feelings, motives, and views of the other person.”
My husband and I are in a stage where there aren’t many dinner conversations with our daughter as she is 15 months old. However, because our little one is not talking much yet, it is especially important for us to be fully present when she is trying to communicate with signs or other cues she uses to help ensure her needs are met, but also so that she is validated in her efforts to communicate with us! It may be easy for us to throw food on her tray and let her be but that doesn’t allow any of us to connect or communicate with each other.
Focus on the Family offers practical advice on the importance of …
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